"Why are you mad at Sammy?"

Paige looked up from the book she had been trying to read to see her youngest sister leaning on the couch arm to look down at her. "Shouldn't you be helpin' Lewis an' Laura in the garden?"

"Why ain't you answerin' my question?" Hannah sat on the arm and scrunched her nose, a tell tale sign of annoyance.

"Ya should be doin' yer chores." Paige tried to focus on the book but it was hard as Hannah's gaze burrowed a hole in her head.

"He looked real sad when he left ya here," the girl continued and Paige flipped the page. She had no idea what she'd just read. "Big sad eyes an' he kept lookin' back at the attic an' doin' that sighin' thing he does." Hannah imitated him perfectly. "Even his hug was sad."

"Mhmm." She was not going to be guilted by a nine year old.

"He told me to watch out for his sunshine."

Paige frowned at that. She wasn't his sunshine anymore. "I'm fine, Hannah."

Hannah pushed the book down and shook her head. "No you ain't," the girl replied earnestly. "Ya've lost yer shine."

Paige opened her mouth to offer a rebuttal but there wasn't anything she could say to that. "I hope ya find it again, Paigey. An' I hope you an' Sammy stop bein' mad." Hannah skipped away before she was able to reply and Paige stared at the spot where she'd been.

"Out of the mouths of babes," Ma Guthrie commented as she passed by with a load of laundry.

Paige looked away, pretending to focus on her book again and ignored her mother's "stubborn fool" comment. She wasn't ready to admit to herself that they were right. Maybe in a few days but not yet.

samuelguthrie used with LOVE!

You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone


"Paige Lucinda Guthrie!"

Paige sighed at the sound of her mother calling her full name. Once Ma added the Lucinda to the mix she knew the older woman meant business.

"You come down outta that attic an' say goodbye to your brother," Lucinda Guthrie ordered and Paige could just picture the scowl on the woman's face with her fists pressed against her hips.

"He an' I already said all we need ta say," Paige called down and didn't budge from her spot on one of the trunks. If he wanted to talk to her then he knew where to find her. "I'm busy."

And she was. Did no one notice that she had been going through the old trunks? It was the only place she could get away from Sam or from anyone and their "Sam this" and "Sam that". She didn't care that she was acting closer to Hannah's age than her own; she wasn't climbing down that ladder to mutter goodbye. She was sick and tired of saying goodbye to Sam. She wasn't doing it anymore and they couldn't force it out of her.

She could hear her mother's annoyed sigh which was followed by Sam's voice. He was saying something to their mother and she picked up on a few words "stubborn", "wildfire", "sister". And then before she knew it there footsteps and Sam was standing before her. Paige wouldn't look up from the old quilt she was observing.

She touched the patchwork squares and feigned an interest in the intricate stitching when they both knew she couldn't sew to save a life. A long awkward moment passed with neither of them saying a word before he bent down and kissed the top of her head. Paige sat frozen and waited until he gave a heavy sigh and was out of the house before she let herself breakdown in tears.

Moments later there were more footsteps before her mother bundled her up in her arms and brushed her hair. "Oh my stubborn lil girl."

Paige simply clung to the woman until she couldn't cry anymore.

If'n ya don't hear from me in a few days it's cause I'm in jail for buryin' Samuel's body in some ditch somewhere.

There’s a kind of emptiness that can fill you.
There’s a kind of hunger that can eat you up.
There’s a cold and darker side of the moonlight.
And there’s a lonely side of love.
-Nickel Creek

Every thing changes and nothing ever stays the same. No matter how hard you try to cling to the past, to the way things used to be, they crumble in your hands like sand on the beach and blow away in the wind. There is always the option of chasing after the sand, of trying to recreate the sandcastle of last year or realizing it will never look exactly as it did back then and finding a way to make a different one and love it as well.

Paige Guthrie isn't a fan of change. She can adapt but she does so stubbornly and clinging onto the past for a little too long before she can let go. It's a hard lesson to learn that the brother you adored is human. He is a fallible as the rest of the world and maybe, just maybe, even more so. It doesn't mean she's stopped loving Sammy but she loves him differently now. There is cautiousness to her love that wasn't there before and it eats her up inside.

Broken promises have led her to not so easily believing what he says now and she hates that. She longs for the days when she could take what Sammy told her at face value. She yearns for when she didn't think each time she saw him would be her last and dreads someone telling her he's off with Cable again. She knows that he's an X-Man now. She knows he wouldn't just up and leave Tabby again. But deep down she's still that scared little girl who lost her father and looked to her older brother for guidance.

Eventually she'll realize she needs to look to herself for that but she's not quite ready for the revelation.

Paige Guthrie doesn't know what she thinks anymore. She had come home prepared to be as mad with her older brother as when he had suddenly appeared back in her life last week. She was ready to ignore him, though politely so she didn't have to deal with her mother's anger, and enjoy seeing her other siblings. She had missed them, especially Hannah, and a weekend home would do her good.

It should have been easy to continue her cycle of anger. Sam had left without word and for all they'd known he had been dead or dying or...worse. She wasn't sure what "worse" meant but there were things worse than death. She was sure of that.

Except it was hard to stay mad when he was living and breathing and making funny faces at Hannah and giving Lewis lectures and Laura piggyback rides. He was acting like Sammy and not Cannonball and Paige realized it wasn't Sammy that she was even mad at. It was Cannonball. That's who had left them, who always left them and would continue to leave them.

Here at the farm he wasn't that leader. He was just Sammy and Paige loved Sammy with all her heart and she knew she always would.

But she was still going to be mad at him for a little while longer.

[PRIVATE]

( For Sammy )

Have ya heard from Sammy?

Do ya honestly think I ain't gonna sing ta high heaven when I do? Do ya think I'm gonna be hoardin' that information ta myself? No I ain't heard from him. No I ain't sure where he is or what he's doin' or when he's comin' back.

STOP ASKIN' ME.

An'...the worst, I ain't even able ta yell that. How am I supposed ta tell an eight year old that she might never see her older brother again? I ain't doin' it. Ma that is on yer shoulders. Hell. It's on his. He can come back from wherever he decided ta up an' go an' can look inta her eyes an' tell Han that he might not be comin' back. I ain't doin' it.

I. Give. Up.

Y'all can deal with this mess of a situation cause I ain't doin' it anymore.

Here's a quarter, call someone that cares, cause I don't.

Not anymore.

My heart is sick. Ain't like Hank can do anythin' ta help it. Ain't that kinda sickness. This is the kind where ya try an' try ta do the things that make ya happy an' everythin' jus' falls flat. Nothin' seems quite right an' ya know why but there ain't a single thing ya can do ta fix it.

He ain't even called. Not Ma. Not me. No one seems ta have heard from him an' as mad as I am at Sam for leavin' I'm more scared than anythin'. He ain't ever been gone this long without checkin' in an' all my thoughts turn awful. What if'n he an' Cable are lost somewhere or he's hurt. What if'n he's already dead? Whaddaya do? Ain't a single thing I can do an' my heart knows that. Even if'n my mind ain't quite caught up ta it.

I don't like closin' my eyes ta sleep. I try though cause Jono gets all sad-faced if'n I try an' stay up. Plus I like the way he holds me. That at least helps me ta feel safe. But when I close my eyes I remember Sam dead an' the blood an' I keep thinkin' what if he already is again? What if'n Cable was wrong an' he ain't ever comin' back?

I don't wanna live in a world without my big brother.

I ain't sure how I can.

Paige Guthrie has always looked up to her older brother. Sammy had always been held on a pedestal in her eyes and he could do virtually no wrong. Annoying brother-sister squabbles didn't count in her mind, not that they had too many of those. That adoration had all come crashing to a horrible end with one broken promise.

He wasn't going to just leave again. He was supposed to be an X-Man, not go off with Cable on some crazy mission. Not put himself in harm's way. He was supposed to be thinking about weddings and marrying Tabby in a year. None of that was going to happen now. He and Tabby were over and Paige couldn't blame the girl. There were only so many times a person could be left behind before they broke all ties. Did he even realize how many dreams he had destroyed by walking away?

All the little hopes and dreams she'd had were altered. Paige couldn't see him walking her down the aisle anymore. She couldn't see him holding any of her future children anymore. She couldn't see him in her life. That was probably what hurt the most, how easily he'd been able to simply go, to leave them all behind. For Cable. Always for Cable.

Paige hated that man. Hated him more than anything in the world and hoped that wherever Sammy was that the path he'd chosen was worth it. Things wouldn't be the same if he ever decided to come back.

Paige hadn't exactly meant to avoid her older brother but she knew she had been. After informing him that Cable wanted to see him she'd kept her distance, not really knowing what to do or say around him. He'd seemed so lost and broken and in full out denial mode before she'd gone to Rhode Island and then when she'd returned he and Tabby were engaged and he was happy.

She still wasn't sure how she was supposed to react but he was going to take her flying. If they were doing that and Christmas shopping there really shouldn't be any need to bring up what had happened when she'd gone with X-Force. No reason to discuss him having died or what Cable had been so cryptic about with her after the fight. She could focus on just spending time with Sammy and getting presents. Really, she could.

At least Paige hoped so as she sat on the steps of the Mansion and tried not to freeze to death.

I swear we really do like one another...Usually. :P

( Me an' Sammy )

How is it already the eight of December? Do ya realize that Christmas is less than three weeks away? An' Jubee's birthday an' Tabby's is Friday. Jono's is the thirty-first. What is up with all of ya bein' born in December?

I got me an' Jono a tree. It's a lil one an' green an' I thoroughly amused myself by hangin' lil lights all over the room. My boyfriend is gonna kill me. First the pink an' now the lights. I also got mistletoe which seemed ta not be as damagin' ta his broody atmosphere as the twinklin' lights. They're jus' so pretty. I could lay back in bed all day an' watch them twinkle.

My brother is gettin' married! MARRIED! Tabby is gonna be my big sister! I always wanted a big sister an' as much fun as it is ta dress Sammy up in a dress an' high heels (I HAVE PICTURES) a real big sister is infinitely better. Sammy doesn't let me paint his nails. :(

An' I really couldn't ask for a better one than Tabby. She's always acted like a big sister ta me since I've known her.

Now for movie night--oh Happy Feet, how I love ya--an' a pizza date with my boy. I'll be nice an' not make the lights twinkle.

OOC: Lil Paige fic. Lil Sammy used with LOVE. Lots and lots of LOVE. Inspired by Taylor Swift singing Alan Jackson's Drive

"It ain't fair! Jus' cause I'm a girl ain't mean I shouldn't be able ta learn how the car works!" Paige kicked at the dirt and then slumped against the old Ford, pouting miserably. Did no one see her pout? She kicked again for extra measure.

"Yer seven!" Sammy shouted and Paige stuck her tongue out at him before making an angry face.

"So? This is...discrimination! I learned about that in school an' it's WRONG, Sammy. WRONG!" He simply tweaked her pigtails as he walked by, sticking his tongue out at her as their father turned his back. "DADDY! Sammy's bein' mean!"

( It was just an old hand-me-down Ford With a three-speed on the column and a dent in the door A young girl two hands on the wheel I can't replace the way it mode me feel And I would press that clutch And I would keep it right And he'd say, a little slower girl you're doing just fine Just a dirt road with trash on each side But I was Mario Andretti When daddy let me drive )

Sammy,

Cable told me ta tell ya he wants ta talk ta ya.

Don't ask.

Just...do whatever it is ya do ta see him. I hear he's pickin' up flights by the boathouse.

Externals plot part four of five. Part One, Part Two, Part Three


When you watch someone die in the heat of battle it's supposed to happen in slow motion. Everything is supposed to be a blur, the moment dragging out forever in front of you. That's what the movies show but it's not how it is in real life. One moment a person is whole and alive, the next they're not. There is no sudden hero sneaking in to save the day, no time turners, no magic spells. Those miracles belong to Hollywood, not reality.

Was this God's way of balancing the world? Mr. Cassidy got to come back to life but Sammy had to leave? Paige wanted it reversed. Take Mr. Cassidy back. He'd lived his life. Her brother couldn't leave. He hadn't even lived yet. Not really. He deserved to live. He still had to get married and make their mother a grandmother and a million other dreams she knew he had needed to be fulfilled. He couldn't do that if he was dead.
( Read more... )

RP for ticktabby, littlepaffs, hayseed_sam, warmersummers and guthrie_jaybird

Thursday Morning


Paige woke up at five thirty because of a constant poking in her side. As much as she loved her baby sister it had taken a lot of energy not to smother the little girl who had tried to look innocent as she hopped out of bed. A quick glance showed Jubilee and Tabitha still sound asleep. They looked peaceful. Paige wanted to go back to looking that peaceful.

"Mama's cookin'!" Hannah whispered, her voice still too loud for that early in the morning. "Can ya smell it? Ain't it great?"

Paige wiped the sleep from her eyes and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail. "Uh huh." She needed coffee if she was going to be anywhere near coherent. Her little sister didn't seem to notice and tugged, pulling Paige out of the room.

"We're gonna make pie an' potatoes an' green beans an' sweet potatoes an' salads an' corn an' turkey!" Hannah's voice rose in volume with each word. "But Ma says this turkey ain't got a name an' I'm supposed ta tell ya that. It's just a turkey. Wasn't no one's pet."
( Read more... )

Paige Guthrie loved having her older brother at the mansion. Usually. Most days. It was just those few hours every so often when he irritated the hell out of her that she wished he'd go bother someone else. They had eight other siblings. He should share his lectures with all of them as well. She was pretty sure Jay was not privy to the same talks that she had to endure. Double standards seemed to be his forte.

And if she heard 'Life ain't fair' one more time she was gonna slug him.

Apparently today was one of those days she was finding him to be irritating and Paige wasn't even sure why that was. He hadn't actually done anything in a few days, or at least, nothing that she could be angry with him about. She had a feeling it was her unease with his obvious dislike of her boyfriend. It almost felt as though she was disappointing him by being with Jono and Paige hated disappointing her older brother. This was one thing she wasn't going to budge on and somehow she had to get over the internal guilt.

Ice cream seemed like a good way. Which was why she was in the kitchen, rummaging through the freezer so late at night.

Gift fic for Sammy!mun because I heart your Sam. Happy Halloween!


When you are five years old there are people in your life that you honestly believe walk on water. Paige Guthrie thought she was the luckiest girl in the world because she had four people like that; her parents, her kindergarten teacher Mrs. Davis who could sing the alphabet backwards, and her big brother Sammy.

She was pretty sure she was even luckier because she was going to get to go trick-or-treating just with Sammy this year. Their father was still going to be at work and their mother, who was nearly nine months pregnant, didn't feel up for the walk into town while trying to handle to other small children. Paige had never been more excited to go trick-or-treating and had nearly gotten in trouble twice at school for excessive talking.

It was just so hard to try and stay quiet when she wanted to let her friends and the lunch lady and Mr. Kleeman, the janitor, and everyone know that she was getting to go trick-or-treating with her "most favoritest person ever". So Paige didn't understand why Sammy was being such a pain.

( Read more... )

OOC: A little gift fic for hayseed_sam who writes the perfect big brother for poor Paigey. :D

Paige Guthrie loved her siblings. Deep down she knew that without them she'd be lost, but some days were harder than others to remember that fact.

Today was one of those days.

"If'n ya don't tell me where ya put him I'm tellin', Samuel Zachery Guthrie," she announced loudly, hands on her hips for added measure. The use of her older brother's full name was supposed to show that she meant business. From the twinkle in his eyes and the small smirk on his face she knew it wasn't working.

He had taken her dog, her favorite stuffy, and hidden it somewhere. Well, techincally she didn't know that it was him or hand't known until now but the truth was written all over his face. "I don't know whatcha talkin' about, Paigey," Sam replied, not budging from his spot perched on the tree above her.

( Read more... )

Back at the Guthrie farm the roof had been the place to go for peace and quiet. If you ever needed to think it was where you escaped to. Paige thought the same about the roof at the Mansion. This one was definitely higher than the one back home but she was an adapt climber and heights were not one of her fears. Besides, she wanted to escape the hustle and bustle of the students down below.

What she really wanted to do was talk with her big brother. It had been some time since she'd last seen him for more than a few hours and she missed him. If she was honest with herself she'd been missing him since the day their father died and Sam had taken on that role. She loved all of her brothers and sisters, and was ecstatic when Jay began attending school at Xavier's, but her relationship with Sam was different than with the others. Most likely because he was the only older sibling she had and he'd always been looking out for her. She didn't have to look out for him (though she tried) the way she did her other siblings.

So here she was, sitting on the roof of Xavier's and hoping he'd get the hint that she wanted to talk.